You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup.

            Growing up I have always believed in the importance of being there for the souls in need of a shoulder to cry on regardless of whether the help was asked for. I simply relied on my instincts to let them know I’m here if they are in need of it. Whether they accept or reject it, it came down to their own choice. The reaffirming belief on how I was able to reach out to the hurt and the broken and give them some hope with my words gave me a sense of responsibility. A responsibility to keep doing it regardless of the consequences itself because, don’t we all want to live in a better world?

The broken phase that I have been through developed deep compassion for the broken that led to the responsibility to carry the weight of the world. I had this compelling drive to always be available to whoever needed me whenever they needed me. In a way, helping someone to get a different perspective of their issue that eventually leads them to heal themselves was immensely satisfying. It was maybe the rush of dopamine that gave me the ability to experience and process the pleasure of helping someone.

But how long can anyone can keep doing it? That addiction of some sort, or whatever one may call it, definitely turned me into a kinder person. But, would you believe if I say it also drained me? Drained me mentally and emotionally. Because having so much on your plate combined with whatever that comes from another person’s plate is undeniably too much for anyone to consume. Never mind, processing it, reflecting on it and offering insights on it. How long can you go on fixing others when you yourself is in need of repair?

            I believe I did not have the clarity I have today before this. Hence, I forced myself into being there for others when ‘my cup was empty’ because it felt like the right thing to do. Because that is what good people do. There were pros that came attaching to those actions. But, do you know what are the cons? You begin to lose sight of your own needs. You develop severe anxiety on how you cannot successfully be there for EVERYONE who needs you. You feel like carrying mountains that you were only meant to climb (Thank you Najwa Zebian). Or more like, carrying mountains that is not even yours to climb to begin with. It overwhelms you to a great extent.

            For starters, take a step back. Yes, it feels like everything is happening all at ones. Re-evaluate your feelings towards each issue and find out if you should actually feel the way you are currently feeling about it. Because when you are empathetic, you are most likely to be sensitive individuals who feel emotions deeply. Remember, others’ issues are separate from you and your life. Next, make yourself aware of the fact that it is a choice. You can say no and still be a good person. You can choose to not be there for someone when you are not capable of being there for someone. ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup’. When you don’t take the time to replenish yourself of the energy you have lost being compassionate and understanding, you cannot deliver your words with quality or value. The conversation would become a shallow chat filled with mediocre affirmations instead of a deep value-ridden heart-to-heart talk that the person is in need of. In addition, if the answer is a no, then work on filling in your cup. This might include taking time off or reading a book or just venting things out to someone you trust. Taking into consideration the fact that we are all unique beings with different needs, it would be insensitive to say that. So, it comes down to basically anything that you find relaxing and helps you take your mind off and ultimately leads you to filling your cup.

            Being kind is an important virtue to live by. We all don’t wake around with tattoos engraved on our skins about our traumatic experiences we have been through and the amount of pain we carry in our hearts. But unless you know your limits and boundaries, you may end up losing yourself in the process of healing and building others. Always remember that this is a work in progress, not an overnight accomplishment.