Your Problems Are Not Special.

               How many times have you questioned why is something so brutal and bad is happening to you? How many times have you told yourself that whatever you’re going through is unfair and you don’t deserve it? Or simply why do such bad things happening to good people like me? I get it, you’re tired. You feel like your struggles are endless like how the water waves crash onto the rocks endlessly, with such force. And you desperately wish for once that God will notice your cries and misery and put an end to them. Cause you can’t go on anymore. Cause you can’t keep fighting anymore.

               I don’t blame you, you see. But I can’t blame life either. Because all that you go through is no one’s fault. It is just life happening. Before you get all defensive saying, “Well, I wouldn’t have to go through this if it wasn’t for a cheating girlfriend, or a backstabbing friend. How is this not their fault?”, well it is partially their fault to do you wrong. But tell me one person that you know who have never encountered heartache in their life. Tell me one person who has not felt the pain of being betrayed by someone they trusted. This is just life happening. Get my point?

               We humans have this tendency to get fixated on what’s wrong and what’s bad. From an evolutionary perspective, this has kept us out of danger and ensured continuity of life. But in this era, it has turned into more like a curse to our own well-being. All that struggles makes you feel like the most miserable person to ever exist. It makes you fixate on all that things that are so wrong in your life instead of all the things you have as a blessing. It gives you this sort of entitlement just because you went through something harsh. The kind of entitlement that your ‘my problems are special’ mindset gives you. As if it is so unique, you’re the only person going through it out of 7+ billion humans and all those who have existed in the past or will ever exist in the future. Just to be clear, I’m not saying the problem is you having a problem but thinking that you’re the only one having that problem and highlighting the fact that we all have problems.

               The issue I’m focusing on here is the entitlement that going through such problems gives you. And most of the time, this entitlement is toxic to you. How? It makes you feel like the world owes you something just because you have gone through something or because you’re a good person. This indirectly increases the expectation you have of the world and the people surrounding you. And I think you’ve heard before how expectations hurt. Additionally, it backs up your justification on your negative traits as a person. If you have a problem in your relationship that needs to be solved, you tend to blame it on how your parents separated and you didn’t see a good example growing up. Also, as crazy as it sounds, it makes you go on a ‘Who has the most problems?’ ranting championship with your friends.

               Problems are very essential. It is comprised of exponential growth and wisdom. Mark Manson wrote, life is basically a series of problems you solve and derive happiness from. But we are so focused on dealing with the problem, and not how we learn from it. The value of the problem is gone, when the lesson is not learned. Not only you don’t learn, but your dumb ass repeats the same old mistakes that causes you pain. Learning form problems aren’t always easy. It is kind of like the complicated gift wrap that you need to tear apart to reveal the gift inside. But at the end, isn’t it worth it? Learning from problems does not consist of the entitlement that you deserve better. It does not include the justification for your shitty behavior. And blaming it on what you’ve been through is not a lesson well learned.